...and there is where my condemnation of myself steps in. "You should be accomplishing more. You don't have the excuse of work or small children. What exactly do you do all day?" This is the recording that plays in my head. This is what makes me grumpy when my children come home and mess up the house that I just seemed to spend six hours straightening up. What is the purpose in my job when six hours of work get undone in a matter of mere minutes and the complaining starts. Their complaining. My complaining. And they feed off each other.
Today, April 27th, 2012 is the day that we break this cycle. I don't know the exact "how", but I know I need to stop the unrealistic expectations of myself. I need to stop "feeling" like I should be doing it all because I do not have preschoolers at home or a job that I leave home for. I need to pick one project and finish it and stay focused on it. Will it kill my family to eat peanut butter and jelly for dinner one night because I was focused on finishing painting the dining room? (Okay it might kill Jarrett, but he can have peanut butter and honey) Today I give myself permission to let/make the children do chores. Today I give myself permission to take a catnap in the afternoon so I am not exhausted when the kids walk in the door. Today I will remind myself that my home is meant to be a home, not a showroom house. And today I will ENJOY my family!