Friday, April 27, 2012


We have been in our new home for three months now and by my own standards I feel like I should be more settled.  We have unpacked the absolutely necessary, but every room in unfinished and most still have boxes that are unpacked or piles of things that have been unpacked but have not found a home.  There are a few things hung on the walls, but hardly anything.  I feel like I still need to apologize to everyone that walks into the house, explaining that we are still unpacking.  That is if anyone over the age of 12 walked into my house.  That is the key right now...this is still just a house to me, not a home.  Like I said, those are my standards.  I know feelings lie and I know in my head I don't have to have the house all together yet.  However, I "feel" like I should have made more progress.

I have tried the finish-one-room-at-a-time method.  I worked on my master bedroom, attempting to make a retreat from the rest of the mess. 

I have this sitting room attached to my bedroom.  We don't have furniture for that room.  Therefore, it has become a holding place for the bins of next size clothes for my kids until I get the storage room unpacked and organized and make room for the clothes bins. So if I can just overlook the area right inside the door, my bedroom is calming...but not finished. 

At night I stare at the bare walls wondering what to hang on them to make the room feel less sterile.

I do not have small preschoolers demanding my attention at home anymore. I do not work a second job that takes me away from my home. I am a stay-at-home mom of all school age children that are gone for six hours of the day. And yet, I can't seem to make progress in those six hours.  Why does it take me six hours to shower, clean up the kitchen, do laundry, clean bathrooms, collect garbage, make the bed, prepare an afternoon snack, create dinner, shop for supplies, go through paperwork, ask telemarketers not to call anymore...

...and there is where my condemnation of myself steps in. "You should be accomplishing more. You don't have the excuse of work or small children. What exactly do you do all day?" This is the recording that plays in my head. This is what makes me grumpy when my children come home and mess up the house that I just seemed to spend six hours straightening up. What is the purpose in my job when six hours of work get undone in a matter of mere minutes and the complaining starts.  Their complaining. My complaining. And they feed off each other.

Today, April 27th, 2012 is the day that we break this cycle.  I don't know the exact "how", but I know I need to stop the unrealistic expectations of myself.  I need to stop "feeling" like I should be doing it all because I do not have preschoolers at home or a job that I leave home for.  I need to pick one project and finish it and stay focused on it.  Will it kill my family to eat peanut butter and jelly for dinner one night because I was focused on finishing painting the dining room? (Okay it might kill Jarrett, but he can have peanut butter and honey)  Today I give myself permission to let/make the children do chores.  Today I give myself permission to take a catnap in the afternoon so I am not exhausted when the kids walk in the door.  Today I will remind myself that my home is meant to be a home, not a showroom house. And today I will ENJOY my family!


SaraLouise said... are an amazing woman! It took God 7 days to create the world...

Deedee said...

You go girl!! I think sometimes we forget how much time it takes to just LIVE! I frequently wonder what I've done all day (while homeschooling and running two businesses!!) Doesn't matter how much we do we still think we should have gotten more done. Someone once told me that guilt comes with the umbilical cord - I'm beginning to think they were right! :)

Trish D said...

You have a large family which automatically means laundry and anything food-related takes longer... and well, being in a new place is exciting and all, but also frustrating when you're still trying to find "homes" for everything. Hang in there and just keep putting one foot in front of the other... Plus you have lots of people praying for you!!