Dents in my Pride

I drive a huge van...think church van...think day care van...yup, that's me. We call it The Ivybus. And one child, who shall remain nameless, even took a rock to the sides, spelling out "Ivybus". I pride myself on being able to drive such a beast. I can park that thing in tight spots. I can parallel park. I can make u-turns.

A couple of months ago, someone rear-ended me and I ended up with a new bumper and the back doors being completely repainted. From behind, it was a beautiful van. Until today...

Today I was so proud of myself for squeezing into the last spot in a parking lot. I was squished between a cute Rav4 and a Mustang. I had to do a seven point turn to get in there, but I was in the parking spot, between the lines and I could still exit my vehicle without banging the vehicle beside me. Secretly I was hoping that by the time I was leaving one of those vehicle would have left. But of course they were still there when I was leaving. Trying to be so mindful of not hitting either vehicle I started the 45 point turn to get out of that spot.  I was watching my front bumper when a brick post sprouted up behind me! Never mind that it is attached to a building that is over 100 years old...it appeared out of nowhere!

I am happy to report the post is fine - not a dent or chip. I did get out of the parking spot.

However, my brand new bumper now has a tiny dent in it...and so does my pride!

"Pride goes before destruction and haughtiness before a fall." Proverbs 16:18

I am thankful that I have a God who cares for me enough to correct me. I am even more thankful He corrects me in the little things so that I hopefully don't make the same mistake in the big things.  It seems just when I think I get this parenting thing down, I am dealt a blow to my ego and another problem arises  Only my dependence on God will keep me in check.

"Those who listen to instruction will prosper; those who trust the Lord will be joyful." Proverbs 16:20

Standards

We have been in our new home for three months now and by my own standards I feel like I should be more settled.  We have unpacked the absolutely necessary, but every room in unfinished and most still have boxes that are unpacked or piles of things that have been unpacked but have not found a home.  There are a few things hung on the walls, but hardly anything.  I feel like I still need to apologize to everyone that walks into the house, explaining that we are still unpacking.  That is if anyone over the age of 12 walked into my house.  That is the key right now...this is still just a house to me, not a home.  Like I said, those are my standards.  I know feelings lie and I know in my head I don't have to have the house all together yet.  However, I "feel" like I should have made more progress.

I have tried the finish-one-room-at-a-time method.  I worked on my master bedroom, attempting to make a retreat from the rest of the mess. 

I have this sitting room attached to my bedroom.  We don't have furniture for that room.  Therefore, it has become a holding place for the bins of next size clothes for my kids until I get the storage room unpacked and organized and make room for the clothes bins. So if I can just overlook the area right inside the door, my bedroom is calming...but not finished. 

At night I stare at the bare walls wondering what to hang on them to make the room feel less sterile.

I do not have small preschoolers demanding my attention at home anymore. I do not work a second job that takes me away from my home. I am a stay-at-home mom of all school age children that are gone for six hours of the day. And yet, I can't seem to make progress in those six hours.  Why does it take me six hours to shower, clean up the kitchen, do laundry, clean bathrooms, collect garbage, make the bed, prepare an afternoon snack, create dinner, shop for supplies, go through paperwork, ask telemarketers not to call anymore...

...and there is where my condemnation of myself steps in. "You should be accomplishing more. You don't have the excuse of work or small children. What exactly do you do all day?" This is the recording that plays in my head. This is what makes me grumpy when my children come home and mess up the house that I just seemed to spend six hours straightening up. What is the purpose in my job when six hours of work get undone in a matter of mere minutes and the complaining starts.  Their complaining. My complaining. And they feed off each other.

Today, April 27th, 2012 is the day that we break this cycle.  I don't know the exact "how", but I know I need to stop the unrealistic expectations of myself.  I need to stop "feeling" like I should be doing it all because I do not have preschoolers at home or a job that I leave home for.  I need to pick one project and finish it and stay focused on it.  Will it kill my family to eat peanut butter and jelly for dinner one night because I was focused on finishing painting the dining room? (Okay it might kill Jarrett, but he can have peanut butter and honey)  Today I give myself permission to let/make the children do chores.  Today I give myself permission to take a catnap in the afternoon so I am not exhausted when the kids walk in the door.  Today I will remind myself that my home is meant to be a home, not a showroom house. And today I will ENJOY my family!

New Year, New Start

I am a die-hard when it comes to New Years Resolutions. Every year, I make several. They are ambitious and repetitive. They usually involve weight-loss, parenting, organization, and spiritual growth.

This year our family is going through lots of new things. We started off with Mike living in Pennsylvania at his new job and the kids and I living in Montana while the kids finish the semester off. This new year also finds us living in a hotel. It has been fun not having to clean bathrooms or make food and to swim everyday. However, it is getting very old and I am over being separated from my spouse. I am extremely grateful that we only lived like this for three months, not six!

Because of all the new starts, I decided it was time to refresh my blog and re-start. I still love Costco and hope to still shop there on a regular basis once we have moved. However, it will be about an hour away, not just five minutes down the road. And really, I am still a Costco addict, but not like I was when I started my previous blog. Besides, I want this blog to be about my family, not just my strange addiction!

Word of warning, I am random. One day I may talk about an amazing recipe, and the next my sweet children, and the next some spiritual concept I am wresting with, and the next the gorgeous dress I saw at the mall...but that is what encompasses me and my family.